Master Dilettante

It’s been almost two weeks now as I write, but I want to thank Carol D. and the Wednesday Night Dinner Club for throwing me a great 40th birthday party! Thank you to everyone who celebrated with me! I had a great time — at least so far as I can remember. Thank you!

Check out my SmugMug site for photos of the event.

I have been insanely busy at work and without time to write for over a month now, but this is big: P Junior entered the world today!!! 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Congratulations, P and Yi-F!!! The leading candidate name is Camilla. As in Camilla Yen. As in Chameleon.

My friend S.K. just sent me the email below. I love this kind of stuff. I’ve pasted the complete email below, reflecting my answers to the questions:

Welcome to the 2007 edition of getting to know your Friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (NOT Forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you’ll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:20 a.m. (I’m still a bit on Boston time from eBay Live!)
2. Diamonds or pearls? Alas, diamonds, although pearls are so much cheaper to gift
3. What two things do you always have with you? My BlackBerry Pearl and my roguish good looks
4. What is your favorite TV show? These days, I religiously watch “The Office,” “Heroes,” “Lost,” and “24”
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Varies . . . most often a power bar, fruit or eggs
6. What is your favorite book? I seem to talk about Milos Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being a lot, but I secretly read both David Eddings’ The Queen of Sorcery and Anne McCaffrey’s Dragonsong over and over again
7. What is your middle name? I don’t have a middle name
8. What food do you dislike? Beef or chicken liver
9. What is your favorite CD? For the past month, I’ve been listening to country music phenomenon Taylor Swift’s debut album incessantly
10. What type of car do you drive? 2000 Honda Accord LX
11. Favorite sandwich? All-time favorite: Dan’s Subs #8 (hot roast beef & cheese) in Woodland Hills, California
12. What characteristic do you despise? Arrogance
13. Favorite item of clothing? My Club Monaco hoodie . . . ultimately comfortable
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Anywhere tropical . . . Hawaii, Thailand, etc.
15. What color is your bathroom? Off-white
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Armani
17. Where would you retire to? L.A.
18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Can’t remember. Looming 4-0 overshadows all memories of the past and present
19. Furthest place you are sending this? London
20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Heidema
21. Person you expect to send it back first? Em
22. Favorite saying? “Right”
23. When is your birthday? Year of the Goat
24. Are you a morning person or a night person? Both. Problem is I can’t sleep all afternoon
25. What is your shoe size? 7.5
26. What did you want to be when you were little? A lawyer – sad, but true
27. How are you today? From now on, every day, I am always excellent!!!
28. What is your favorite candy? All-time favorite: Snickers bar
29. What is your favorite flower? French tulips
30. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? 31 July – new Harry Potter book released
31. What was the last thing you ate? Garlic chicken pizza
32. Do you wish on stars? Yes, and not infrequently
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Red
34. How is the weather right now? Air conditioned
35. Last person you spoke to on the phone? N.
36. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes
37. Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke
38. Favorite restaurant? Sushi Nozawa, Studio City, California
39. Hair color? Black
40. Favorite day of the year? The first day of Spring
41. Summer or winter? Winter
42. Hugs or kisses? Put those two together!Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
43. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes!
44. When was the last time you cried? Don’t remember or won’t say
45. What is under your bed? Alpaca slippers, empty luggage, yoga mats
46. Favorite smell? Fresh baked bread
47. What are you afraid of? Death
48. Plain, butter or salted popcorn? Plain (healthier)
49. How many keys on your key ring? 4
50. How many years at your current job? Just over 3 years
51. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
52. Do you make friends easily? I don’t think so
53. What are you listening to right now? Amjad Hanif discussing trust and safety on eBay

Copy. Paste. Edit. Email. Enjoy.

I want!!!

In advance of the start of shooting next week, a few sources, including The Sun and Crave are reporting on the Wachowski brothers‘ Speed Racer movie, scheduled for release on 8 May 2008.

I can’t imagine a movie with Cristina Ricci as Trixie can be any good, but the gadgetry is sure to dazzle.

“Speed Racer” unequivocally is my all-time favorite childhood cartoon show.

Well, I’ve thrown in the proverbial towel. My Crocs Cayman shoes have arrived, and I’m wearing them now — in the office (no meetings this afternoon).

The sample size of the Are Crocs Hideously Ugly? survey was too small for statistical significance, but the general sentiment of the limited sample was consistent: Crocs are ugly but look to be comfortable.

Unfortunately, the appearance of the Crocs is growing on me, and they are unequivocally light, airy and extremely comfortable. I’m heading to Vegas for the World Series of Poker tomorrow, and I imagine these Crocs will be the perfect shoe for the summer heat and for maximum comfort while grinding away at a table for hours on end.

But, please, if you see me wearing them in the office again or out and about on an evening, please push me in front of a bus or something.

Are Crocs hideously ugly? I think so. Yet I am seeing them more and more frequently around town and even at the office. And, I daresay, I am tempted to get a pair. Just yesterday, at R.E.I., I resisted the temptation.

I grew up in L.A. and went to school in the Bay Area. When I moved to Chicago, I was shocked at how frumpy and out of shape the people were. When I returned to the Bay Area, I thought people dressed so much better than Chicagoans and were in much better shape. Now, when I visit L.A. or New York, I am reminded what a bunch of crunchy granola slobs we Bay Area residents are.

I’m fearful a purchase of Crocs would irrevocably slide me further down the path towards whatever is the antithesis of sartorial splendor. I already own 3 pairs of Birkenstock’s, so it may be too late already.

What do you think of Crocs? Take the “What do you think of Crocs?” Survey. I’ll report the results.

Yes, yes, I know he’s busy, but, after all the hullabaloo, JH still has not responded to the “Reasonable” Dinner Time survey results. At my desk last Monday, he briefly read the post on results and immediately replied, “These people are lying.” That remark alone reveals all you need know about his objectivity.

He promised to trash my post, and I eagerly continue to await that — in the same way Vladimir and Estragon waited for Godot. I shan’t hold my breath.

JH, you write a retort in comments or send it to me, and I promise to approve it/post it here.

Congratulations to my friends Patricia and Yi-Fang on their wedding last Saturday! The consensus observation of the guests, which I shared, is that this was a great wedding, and I’m going to ruin the memory of it, of course, by analyzing why.

• For the bride and groom, the planning period was short. They started the planning around a month in advance, which means the pain was over quickly.
• Home weddings can be very comfortable and personal. Not everyone has access to a backyard that can accommodate a couple hundred guests, but, if you do, it will work well. (The lake across the street and the vineyard next door were nice, too).



• The weather was perfect — sunny and clear but not too warm — a perfect April afternoon.
• The food was distinctive, personal and delicious. Nothing fancy at the reception, just yummy comfort food prized by the bride: catered mini-cheeseburgers, mini-corn dogs, fish & chips, chicken tenders and . . . drum roll, please . . . root beer floats! And the wedding banquet included a litany of Chinese special occasion dishes, including shark’s fin soup, lobster and abalone.



• The entire occasion was filled with humor underscored by warmth and affection. I’ve never been to a more entertaining wedding. The wedding officiant was a close friend of the bride and groom and the ceremony itself was spruced with anecdotes and edgy teasing. The toasts at the wedding were riotously funny and more roast than congratulations at times.

I spent the past weekend in Vegas for my buddy’s fortieth — yes, fortieth! — birthday. I never get tired of the city of lights, the ultimate playground for adults. Among the many memorable, disclosable highlights of the weekend:

• Cirque du Soleil’s “Love.” Thoroughly engaging, highly enjoyable show. Cirque’s latest production is set to the music of the Beatles, and is more dance performance and lip-sync musical than Cirque’s usual acrobatics and performance art. Enjoyment of Love might vary based on fondness for the Beatles; a twenty-six year-old friend thought the show was “just okay.” I listened to all the Beatles’ albums growing up and was captivated from the opening of the performance. I loved Love. Catch it at the Mirage.
• Dinner at Michael Mina. This was my second time to Michael Mina at the Bellagio and equally fantastic. This time, I had the foie gras and the lobster pot pie. I asked for two mini root beer floats — again, like last time. It’s a special occasion restaurant with special occasion prices. (If you have to ask, you probably can’t afford it . . . .) For more detail, see my Yelp review.
• Hugh Hefner and the Girls Next Door. That’s right. Hef and his trio of girlfriends, Holly, Bridget & Kendra. They were making appearances at the Palms hotel all weekend, and we saw them at Moon /the Playboy Club.

Hope you had a great birthday weekend Jorge!

This year, I approach a significant life milestone – I’m not saying precisely which birthday – still a bachelor. As I’ve waited patiently at home for Mrs. Right to come knocking at my door, several “friends” have been badgering me (for years now it seems) to try the online dating thing. Alas, I’ve been utterly incapable of overcoming the two biggest hurdles for me: (1) writing a profile and (2) selecting suitable photographs.

In an act of inspired brilliance, a good friend suggested that I enlist help. In an act of utter foolishness, I agreed and jumped at this opportunity to take the easy way out. I promptly created a Match.com account and made a temporary user name and password available to a dozen friends, with the request that they craft a profile for me, wiki-style.

My expectation was that my “friends” together would write a humorous, wry profile that captured the essence of my personality, which, clearly, would be enough to attract interest. Well, the profile was certainly humorous and wry – but perhaps a bit too wry. I haven’t added photographs yet (more on that later), but I’m fairly certain that any eligible woman reading the existing profile will run not walk away from the surely psychotic person it depicts.

For example, I’m not so sure the prefatory tagline, “I’m 39 and need someone other than my poker buddies to plan my 40^th bday party,” is likely to attract women. Even if an unsuspecting lady were to find that tagline funny and continue reading, I’m not sure the current introductory “About me and who I’m looking for” summary puts my best foot forward:

I have been beaten down to a shadow of my former self. In the last 39 years, it has become apparent to me that I need a strong woman to guide me in my latter years. Despite being successful professionally and having a wide set of friends (though questionable in their quality), I have yet to find my soul mate.

My perfect match is a lady who will order me around, tolerate my fussiness and grudgingly accept my excessive and too-soon gifts from Tiffany’s, Louis Vuitton and Gucci. No gift is too expensive or too over the top for me. My AMEX lives for your needs.

Okay, not the best start. Grudgingly, I had to admit this was quite funny, however. But would any reader agree – and agree enough to respond?

The Match profile page also includes additional, shorter, “In my own words” sections on “for fun,” “my job,” “my ethnicity,” “my education,” “favorite hot spots,” “favorite things” and “last read.”

These started off somewhat amusing. For example:

my job: I move up the corporate ladder three rungs at a time, occasionally slipping back four or five rungs. My friends say that I got to where I am by brown-nosing; I would argue, but they’re really smart, and are usually correct in their assessments.

my ethnicity: I am Korean but not really. E.g., if you are looking for the stereotypical Korean man, you can stop here. You’re the boss in the relationship, not me.

However, with the best of intentions, my brother, finding all of this horribly mean-spirited, whipped out his lawyer’s pen and began revising.

Before (my friends’ version):

for fun: I enjoy inviting myself to my “girlfriends’” parties. Note, these are not “girlfriends” but “friends” that are girls with whom I tag along. I’m considered the know-it-all who has to provide an unwanted opinion on how to cook and clean.

my education: I have been educated in my life and despite having a JD and an MBA, I never scored at school. Hence I am on Match looking for my soulmate [sic]. Luckily, this is cheaper than the $200K I spent in the ivy [sic] leagues.

favorite hot spots: I go to lots of cool foreign places and put pictures of these places on my office cubicle wall. My objective is to convince unsuspecting passersby that I am more interesting than I really am.

favorite things: My two cats (one is dead and in a box in my living room), my overpriced jeans and my high maintenance travel headset. I also like reading business books that I can quote to my boss.

After (my brother’s version):

for fun: Hanging out with my friends, cooking up a great meal, and drinking good wine. I love games of all sorts — poker, monopoly, Pictionary, you name it. And watching movies on opening night — why wait for a better seat and miss the excitement?

my education: I have a JD and an MBA.

favorite hot spots: I’ve traveled to a lot of places — Thailand, England, Nepal, India, Australia, Korea — and I still haven’t gotten rid of the travel bug.

favorite things: My niece Alexandra! She just turned 3 months old.

You be the judge. Both versions are essentially accurate. However, where the collective profile at first was abhorrently interesting, now it is an odd assortment of bland and weird.

My brother makes the excellent point that the brash, odd profile previously written might, if at all, attract an audience not actually suitable for me, but the current pastiche profile is now internally dissonant. In theory, the combination of humor and sincerity should work, but the execution is imperfect at this point. I’m back to the drawing board and might actually have to do some of my own dirty work here.

(My brother has also proposed that he and my friends write competing profiles and we A/B test them. We’ll see.)

Oh, one additional note. Match allows you to attach searchable “MatchWords” to your profile. One of my poker buddies kindly added “introverted,” “lonely,” “sad,” and desperate.” Now, if anyone searches for these terms, they will find me. Winner! Compelling, don’t you think, ladies?

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

As for photographs, SmugMug hosts over 2,000 of my photographs. Of course, only a fraction of these are of me. I culled through my albums and identified 30 photographs with which I had some relative comfort and asked friends to select the ones they liked. Now, what would you think when two friends effectively responded with, “Uh, yeah, I think you need to take some more photos. I’ll help, really.” The photos are relatively accurate images of me, so I was a bit concerned with what they must think of my appearance. Back-peddling, both friends independently explained that the sample of pictures did not accurately represent my personality, and my ego forces me to accept this explanation.

I’ve published the profile on Match, so what are the results so far? My portrait has been viewed 86 times as of this writing, but I haven’t been contacted by anyone yet. To be fair, all female friends I know on Match uniformly say that they screen based on photographs first and spend perhaps 2 seconds doing so. I’m unlikely, then, to attract any responses until I add photos. Yeah, that’s it, that’s the ticket.

I plan to solicit and make further edits to the profile, add some photographs and see what happens. Stay tuned.